These are from my 7 year old...

How do snails keep their shells shiny?

They use snail varnish!


What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud!

enjoy

Love em!

A television and an aerial get married. The ceremony went welll, but the reception was awful.

I'm going to curl up in the corner and cry

Good to see you're all joining in!! Love the aerial joke, egg sandwich!

What has four legs and goes "Boo"






A cow with a cold!!!!!!!

A dog is sitting in the cinema with its owner. The dog stares at the screen intently and growls whenever the villain appears and wags its tail whenever the hero comes on. An old lady has been watching the dogs behaviour. She turns to the owner and says "That's extraordinary behaviour from your dog". "You're right" said the owner. "it is suprprising - he hated the book"!!

Aaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!

A man is walking down the street when he hears calling from a shed...'Let me out....let me out!'

The man looks into the shed window but can only see a greyhound. As he walks away he hears the same shout...'Let me out, let me out.'

Peering through the door the man calls out to anyone inside. To his surprise the greyhound starts talking to him. The dog tells him that he is a champion pedigree, that he has won loads of trophies, and has even won the greyhound derby, now his owner is annoyed with him and keeps him in the shed all of the time.

The man thinks 'Wow a talking dog I can make a fortune, so he knocks on the house door.

The owner answers and the passer by asks if he would sell the greyhound. The owner refuses so the man offers him £50. Again a refusal so the man offers £100. The owner refuses again so after a few more offers and rejections the passer by offers £20000 for the greyhound. The owner still refuses.

The passer by is bewildered and asks the owner why he wouldn't sell his greyhound for £20000 but would just keep him locked up in a shed to which the owner replies,

'It's quite simple.....He's a liar!'

i hope this doesn't offend, but here goes....


A teacher said to her 6 year old class, what have you been doing since yesterday.. and one boy said he had found a dead cat..
How did you know it was dead, she asked..
Cos I p*ssed in it's ear and it didn't move... The teacher said did I hear you right..
and the boy said , Yes miss. I leant down real close and went Pssst in its ear really loud. but it didn't move......


chell
x

How I love this thread!!

Man to waitress in Chinese restaurant "Excuse me, but this chicken is rubbery". Waitress - "Thank you very much sir"!!!!!!

A man goes to a fancy dress party with a woman draped over his shoulders and says he has come as a tortoise. "Who's that on your back?" asks the host. "That's Michelle" says the man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love it

har har, groan. d you know how many times i've heard that?
almost as many as the chuffin song by sasha distel!!!!!

blonde on a plane sitting in economy on take-off moves to executive class n sits down,
the steward see's her, goes over and asks her to return to her own seat in economy.
blonde says ooh, no, i'm blonde, sexy and i'm going to new york and i'm not moving till we get there,
the steward again tries to pursuade her to return to her original seat in economy,
again she replies, ohh, no, i'm blonde, sexy i'm going to new york and i'm not moving till we get there,
the steward tells the captain, he has a look, she is indeed lovely, he turns to his steward and says leave it to me.
he goes over to the blonde, whispers and in her ear, she gets up says i'm terribly sorry my mistake and returns to her seat in economy.
the steward is astonished and asks the captian what he said to her to get her to move.
'well, i simply told her this half of the plane wasn't going to new york'

chell
x

Look at the time!! Got up esp to do this before work!!

Sorry MM forgot that was your name, anyway you took it well. Love the joke.

I knnow why turtle wax is so expensive .......................because turtles have really tiny ears

This is tomorrows but I might not get the chnace to post it before work in the morning:-

A man walks into a fishmongers with a salmon under his arm. "Do you make fish cakes?" he asks. "Of course", says the fishmonger. "Oh good" says the man, "it's his birthday"!!!!

This is Thursday's. It's a little rude - no offence meant!!

A couple decide to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary by booking the suite where they had their honeymoon. They are having breakfast in bed and the wife says"My dear, this is so romantic. My breasts feel all warm and tingly." "I'm not surprised", replies her husband, "One's hanging in your coffee and the other's lying on my bacon!"